I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
