I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
