We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
