he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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