i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
