Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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