why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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