Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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