I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Randomize
