I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
