worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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