You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
