I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
