she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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