Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
