Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I touched a dick in church today
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
