You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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