he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
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