you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
