We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
