PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Rumble strips road head = magical
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
