Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
