i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
