No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
