i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
