He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
