i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
