Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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