Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
