I hate your face
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
