i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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