you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
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