woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
