i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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