I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
