She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
