she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
