how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
