My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I supernannyed him into submission
Randomize
