I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
