What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
