Banned from zoo.
Again?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
