just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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