by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
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