they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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