do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
