I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
