I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
