...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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