I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
