Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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